Friends Grow Apart

As a kid, I was told that would have different groups of friends as I would grow up. I couldn't understand how it could happen to me but as I grew up my interest changed and so did my friends.
What I didn't realize, in my younger years, is that a lot of what we had in common was the experiences we shared in school. We attended the same classes, we partnered up for projects, we liked the same sort of things.

Once school was over, and we went our separate ways, we all grew into new people that slowly left our past behind including our relationships.
We're all busy doing other things and over a period of 15 years we slowly drifted apart to the point that I don't think we would recognize each other. They surely wouldn't recognize me as not much remain of the person that I was - I've grown just from a year ago.

I just kind of accepted this as a part of life. Have you been able to keep up with your friends after 20 some years out of school?

The Truth Should Be The Focus of Arguments

“In all debates, let truth be thy aim, not victory, or an unjust interest.”

-William Penn

The problem with most arguments today is those involved are trying to be right rather than to find the truth. In the words of Richard Feynman, "I'd rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned" which reflect the notion that seeking truth and understanding is more valuable than merely being right.

“Though everyone wants to be right, as soon as people start to air their incompatible views it becomes clear that not everyone can be right about everything.”

-Steven Pinker

Why do people want to be right in arguments?

People argue for a variety of reasons, often rooted in their unique perspective, emotions, and experiences. The psychological and social reason to be right can be due to:

• Validation - One's self-worth is tied to being right.
• Social Status - To enhance one's reputation/credibility.
• Cognitive Dissonance - Avoiding the discomfort of being wrong.
• Control - Being right gives a sense of control in an otherwise unpredictable world.
• Fear of Change - Being wrong means that a change in thinking is required.

Those that committed to improving themselves can't afford to have a flaw like this. It's important that we identify and resolve these problems so that we can see arguments as the learning opportunities they're supposed to be.

If You Can't Do the Time, Don't Do The Crime

I recently had a chat with an ex-convict who told me about her past of crime and I was surprised at how much time was lost through the ordeal. Time is the most important resource we have and we're free to do what we want with it. When we're in prison, our life is on hold until such time as we've repaid society for the troubles we've caused - sometimes this can mean that we've missed out on important life events such as, in this case, finding a suitable mate to build a family with. Motherhood is one goal that she likely won't be able to experience.

If your goal is to be a mother you don't need to spend time in prison to miss out - spending time in unrelated activities can also yield the same result. The difference here is, of course, that you prioritized other things rather than been forced out of your goal while spending time in prison.

Why someone ends up in prison varies but if time has any value to you, then you will see prison as a complete waste of it and do what is necessary not to end up there. 

Nobody Cares About What You Know*

"Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words."

-Proverb 23:9

After years of reading good books you may begin to see the foolishness of others (*cough* like Americans voting for a convicted felon *cough* *cough*). You can't share most of what you know with the majority of the people that you meet. If they're not fools then they don't care and you're not actually that important.

What is there to do?

You can write a blog *cough*, write in a journal, or focus on your relationships until people start opening up to you and seeking your council. The late Theodore Roosevelt said "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" and it certainly is true here. Before people know that you care, there's no point in trying to "teach" them anything.

Book Covers are To Be Judged

"Don't judge a book by its cover" is a methapor that means we shouldn't judge a person, or something, solely on appearance or first impression. However, the very purpose of a book cover is to judge the book - it's marketing tool to hopefully intice people to buy the book. 

If we weren't supposed to "judge a book by its cover" then why does it have pictures, short summary, "New york time best seller" stickers ... or anything else meant to get the book in peole's hands?

The cover of a book is, by design, meant to be judged. We also tend to judge people on first impression and, if its negative, we must find it in our heart to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was having a bad day, maybe he can't afford a nice suit, maybe he's anxious... let's give people a chance to redeem themselves.