Don't Sink The Boat

"Punishments" have no place in relationships. Doing something to the detriment of a partner is like shooting yourself in the foot. If a partnership is like a boat then a punishment is like putting a hole in it while thinking it's going to hurt the other.

Don't sink the boat...

We shouldn't be "getting back" at our partner for hurting us. We need to find it in our heart to forgive and forget or discuss the issue. This is, after all, the person we chose to dedicate our life with.

Little things count...

I went to get ice cream with a friend of mine. I suggested that we also get something for his wife to which he replied "if she wanted something she would of come with us." I ended up buying her ice cream and when I gave it to her I said something like "we thought you would like this" to which my friend replied "this doesn't come from me - its all him".
I found the situation to be so dysfunctional, immature, painful... I could see it in her eyes that she was appreciative of the gesture and my friend total disregard of my attempt to involve him in the good deed made him look like a fool. I'm sure this caused further disagreement between them after we parted ways.

Always be mindful of your partner. Want what's best for them - when they win you win.

Depression Is Contagious

"1 idiot + 2 smart people = 3 idiots"

-Unknown

From the above, the same can be said with depression. If one depressed person goes in a room with 2 non-depressed people - 3 depressed people are going to come out. When I hang out with a person that is depressed, it often feels like the entire conversation is around their mental state which negatively impacts my own, fragile, mental state.

Depression is a sickness of the mind - it's a focus on the wrong things. The sufferer has little to no thought except the negativity he keeps repeating to himself. In a conversation, it can be difficult to move away from the subject because there's not much else the sufferer can talk about.

If you are in a bad place you need to seek help. Whether it be therapy, medication or lifestyle changes there are ways to fight back. Your mind, as is your body, is your responsibility. There's only so much your friends can help with until it starts to negatively impact their own mental state.

Prevention is always better than medication. 

While I'm not a medical professional I think we can all agree that exercise, good sleep and proper diet have tremendous health benefits not just on the physical self but the psychological one as well. Many depressed people I have encountered are failing at, what I consider to be at least, the basics required for a healthy mental state. 

What we need to keep in mind is that it's also possible to be depressed while doing the basics. There are no guarantees in life ... we can only decrease the chances of it something like this from happening. There are also exterior, often outside of our control, things that can happen that would negatively impact our mental state - such as loss.

“Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results. This is but saying that nothing can come from corn but corn, nothing from nettles but nettles. Men understand this law in the natural world, and work with it; but few understand it in the mental and moral world (though its operation there is just as simple and undeviating), and they, therefore, do not cooperate with it.”

-As a Man Thinketh by James Allen

Listen to Your Body?

We only have a surface level understanding of what our body needs. We know it needs rest, good food, muscles... and we know the actions that helps in those areas but our body has never flat out told us "I need more vitamin A". How it communicates with us is by giving us visual, or psychological, cues that we must decipher.

What this tells me is that we're not supposed to have awareness and our bodies didn't evolve to communicate effectively with it. The current communication system between our body/mind is no different than one with a dog and its mind. While we do have the power to diagnose an issue there's no way for us to ask what it needs. It feels a bit like the mind is trapped into this moving prison that we control parts of.

Maybe it's better this way?

If we could communicate with our body, the same as we could with other people, maybe it would be too distracting? Like when we're in pain the pain is constantly reminding us that its there.

"Our" thoughts?

Humans are creatures of habits with a tendency to take which ever route is easiest as it conserves energy. When it comes to thinking, it's easier for us to adopt someone else's ideologies than to come up with our own. 

If our mind isn't sharp, if it can't think critically, then no thoughts are really our own. 

When too many people can't think critically we end up with a cult like mobs that can be swayed which ever way the opportunist chooses.

“A man whose first thought is bestial indulgence could neither think clearly nor plan methodically; he could not find and develop his latent resources, and would fail in any undertaking. Not having commenced to manfully control his thoughts, he is not in a position to control affairs and to adopt serious responsibilities. He is not fit to act independently and stand alone. But he is limited only by the thoughts which he chooses.”

— As a Man Thinketh by James Allen

Meditation and diligent study is required for anyone who wishes to think for themselves.

Be Mindful of The Advice Given

"The man who says in his heart, "I will teach all men, and learn from none," will neither teach nor learn whilst he is in that frame of mind, but will remain in his folly."

-Mind is the Master: The Complete James Allen Treasury by James Allen

In one of the leadership seminars I attended, the speaker said something along the lines of "be careful who you get your information from as you may end up with their results." While we can learn something from everyone we should first analyze the data before we apply it within our own life. 

Don't take financial advice from those who don't have their finances in order. Don't relationship advice from those that haven't been able to keep a relationship longer term. Don't take advice from those that don't have the results that you want in life: If anything they're teaching you what NOT to do.