Your Husband Will Feel You Appreciate His Desire To Protect and Provide When...

• you verbalize your admiration of him for protecting you and being willing to die for you.


• you praise his commitment to provide for and protect you and the family (he needs to know you don't take this for granted).


• you empathize when he reveals his male mind-set about position, status, rank, or being one-up or one0down, particularly at work.


• you never mock the idea of "looking up to him" as your protector to prevent him from "looking down on you."


• you never, in word or body language, put down his job or how much he makes.


• you are always ready to figuratively "light the candles," as E.V. Hill's wife did when they couldn't afford to pay the light bill.


• you quietly and respectfully voice concerns about finances and try to offer solutions on where you might be able to cut spending.

-Page 213 & 214 of "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Showing Respect by Candlelight

As a struggling young preacher, E.V. had trouble earning a living. E.V. came home one night and found the house dark. When he opened the door, he saw that Jane had prepared a candlelight dinner for two. He thought that was a great idea and went in to the bathroom to wash his hands. He tried unsuccessfully to turn on the light. Then he felt his way into the bedroom and flipped another switch. Darkness prevailed. The young pastor went back to the dining room and asked Jane why the electricity was off. She began to cry.
"You work so hard, and we're trying," said Jane, "but it's pretty rough. I didn't have enough money to pay the light bill. I didn't want you to know about it, so I thought we would just eat by candlelight."

-Page 210 of "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Your Husband Will Feel You Appreciate His Desire To Work and Achieve When...

• you tell him verbally or in writing that you value his work efforts.


• you express your faith in him related to his chosen field.


• you listen to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to your accounts of what happens in the family


• you see yourself as his helpmate and counterpart and talk with him about this whenever possible.


• you allow him to dream as you did when you were courting.


• you don't dishonor or subtly criticize his work "in the field" to get him to show me more love "in the family."

-Page 203 of "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Your Wife Will Feel Esteemed When...

• you say, "I'm so proud of the way you handled that."


• you speak highly of her in front of others.


• you open the door for her.


• you try something new with her.


• you give her encouragement or praise with kindness and enthusiasm.


• you notice something different about her hair or clothes.


• you are physically affectionate with her in public.


• you teach the children to show her and others respect.


• you value her opinion in the gray areas as not wrong but just different--and valid.


• you choose family outings over "guy things."


• you make her feel first in importance.


• you are proud of her and all she does.

-Page 182 of "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

She'll Feel At Peace with You When...

• you let her vent her frustrations and hurts and don't get angry and close her off.


• you admit you are wrong and apologize by saying. "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"


• you understand her natural desire to negotiate, compromise, and defer, and you meet her halfway.


• you try to keep your relationship "up-to-date," resolving the unresolved and never saying, "Forget it."


• you forgive her for any wrongs she confesses.


• you never nurse bitterness and always reassure her of your love.


• you pray with her after a hurtful time.

-Page 164 of "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs