Trial and error: The Relationship Edition

"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence." -Albert Ellis

When you’ve been on the dating scene for quite some time you come to realize that there’s somewhat of a pattern to be found. A thing you might notice is that more often than not the problem is with you more than it is with your encounters.

It’s true that the perfect person doesn’t exist. So what now?

It’s easy to find someone with similar interest than ours. We might have feelings for them for a while and it eventually goes out. At this point, most relationships ends but it shouldn’t. That’s when the real work should start. The work is what it is … work. It’s not sit down and wait till the feelings comes back. It’s getting up and trying to figure out the reason why the feeling is gone.

I often find myself in stressful position at work that I sometime bring home. If this is done too often, we might come to the conclusion that the problem is home and not with the work. Be careful of where the feeling originally began.

Relationship is mostly about accepting people for who they are.

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Revision Wednesday
Blog post edited/re-posted on December 10, 2014

Wrong goals

A partner isn’t supposed to be pursued but rather should be a “side achievement” while in the pursuit of your main purpose.
Now before you think I’m a total ass, let me explain my issue.

When ever I would find a woman of my liking, I would literally put my life on hold for her. If I would go to the gym on regular basis, I would stop to hang out with her. If I was supposed to meet with friends, I wouldn’t go cause I wanted to be with her...

This is a wrong approach purely because I was making her my world rather than having her part of mine. There’s a big difference here. Nobody wants to be with someone who they feel doesn’t have a life of their own.

Feeling wise, the love for her would be gone quite quickly because of it. I mean, picture this … there’s still things that I wanted to do but I would stop myself from doing it all because of her … who did I subconsciously blamed for it? Her of course and she had nothing to do with it!

If you want the love feeling to last, don’t make your partner your entire world. Make your partner … well your partner in your life.

Let’s Be Friends

I got an unexpected txt on Friday from my ex-girlfriend. She wanted to stop by to give me some presents before she went away to her parents for vacation. We also went for a ride to see some xmas light (very impressive ones I might add).

During the ride, I could feel a tension between us. I think there was a question that we both wanted to know the answer of but we were afraid to ask. The question being “Are you seeing anybody right now?” I know for me, I didn’t ask because I was afraid the answer was “yes” (what a weird cycle to be in!).

Obviously, a “yes” to such question is to be expected. It’s just too soon for me to know about her where abouts (She had to work quite a bit to get me to go on a ride with her … I just can’t say “no” to that dam woman … and she just doesn’t take “no” for an answer... she should be in sales).

Depressing moments

I had many sleepless nights recently due to various issues and it started to affect my over all mood during the day.

I found out that if I don’t go to the gym, eat right and go to bed at a decent hour, it will be harder for me to have a positive attitude during the day. Little problems seems to be bigger, little obstacles take longer to overcome … every setbacks just add weight to my shoulders.

How did I fix it? I started sleeping more and noticed a difference almost the next day.

Self Inflicted Diseases

Ever had an ailment that you’ve decided to take into your own hands to figure out what it is? The first thing that you did was open up google and look for the symptoms? After browsing through a list of possible disease, what started as a small ailment escalated into the point where you think you’re going to die?

Me too!!

It’s important to know that it’s normal to have issues with our bodies and that most of them aren’t dangerous.
While doing a research online, or brain tends to focus so much on the symptoms of “X” disease that you may think you have it. I’ve looked up many diseases and each site have their own definition and list of symptoms so who do you trust?

The best thing to do is to wait a little while to see if it doesn’t go away and if the problem persist, go see a doctor.

This is Serious!

You can only do something for so long without having any result. There will be a time where a mental switch will activate itself and tell you “alright, it’s time to get serious … you should be further ahead of where you are; what’s going on?”

At that point, you’ll do what ever it takes to get success because you finally believe that you can achieve it.
How long do you have to fail in order to have that mental state? It’s individual based … it takes me a long time to get it. I’ve seen some that doesn’t go through such period and get serious right away.

What type are you?

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Revision Wednesday
Blog post edited/re-posted on January 2, 2014

A Man's Interaction With Women

“For a man to get along with women he must learn how to get along without them.” -The Expendables

The above quote, from the movie “The Expendables”, made me think a lot about how my interactions with women usually go.

I believe that communication is done with feelings wrapped around it. If you don’t truly feel love, it will be felt when you say “I love you”. I started considering this when ever I had a conversation with a woman. I would ask myself “How do I feel about it?” and most of the time I felt like “I needed the woman to love me”. This affected how the interaction was going. The posture was different, the feeling wasn’t right and I just couldn’t get the woman interested in me at all.

I have a different approach all together now. I don’t care about them at all, I don’t look nor try to find excuses to talk to them. I have places to go and things to do.

I originally thought that this would affect how many women would interact with me but it didn’t. They do the first steps now, I just play along and fill the blanks.

Be True-Always

Setbacks in life comes with a great deal of learning. It’s not something that I look forward to but when it happens I embrace it as a natural part of life. My last set back was about a person who came in my life out of nowhere for a very short period of time.
She stayed because she believed I was someone that I’m not and she believed so because she met me during a time where I portrayed such image. Needless to say that she left soon after she realized it.

Why did I portrayed a different image at the time? I didn’t think I was but looking back I was doing different things than I am now.

This relationship thing is one of the hardest thing to figure out. I’m fully aware that the perfect person doesn’t exist and it’s a trial and error kind of deal … man can it ever be a painful experience at times.

V for Vendetta - Beyond the Movie

I was very excited to see V for Vendetta when it was first released in 2006. James McTeigue had done some awesome work with “The Matrix” movies and I had no doubt that his new film would be just as awesome.

It’s interesting how a movie can affect popular culture. These days, we rarely see a protest without the famous “Guy Fawkes” mask. It comes with a message of change that can only be fully understood by those who saw the movie.

What does “Guy Fawkes” mask represent to you? Do you have a mask of your own?

Doing it Anyway!

If you want to get good in anything you will have to sometime do it even if you don’t feel like it. It has been said that in order to be an expert in anything, one must have done it for more than 10 000 hours.

It’s hard to do anything without being distracted these days. As I’m writing this, I’m receiving txt messages on my phone... You will need your undivided attention to what ever you’re doing in order to get good at it. Keep distractions away, they’ll only be wasting your time.

What do you want to get good at?

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Revision Wednesday
Blog post edited/re-posted on March 25, 2015

Busy Mind

It dawn on my today, during a corporate massage, that this 30 min massage was the longest time I spent sitting and doing nothing else but thinking and relaxing.

When I’m home, I always try to occupy my mind with mindless things just to get the feeling of “I’m bored” as far away as possible.

I believe that the mind need this time of rest in order to figure things out. When was the last time that you just stop and think?

Employees Are Trained Consumers

An employee is a trained consumer. In no other quadrant (see Robert Kiyosaki cashflow quadrant)do we see people so interested in the cost of an item. When ever such item is on special, the demand suddenly rises even if people don’t have any use for the item which makes employees (at least most of them) impulse buyers.

Did they make coupons for a business owner in mind or with employee in mind? Did they create “financial plans” of cars for employees or business owners?

Employees trained consumers thought by the marketing department of business.

Think twice before buying an item.

If You Look Closely You’ll Find Regrets!

You are not the same person today than you were yesterday. Even if you spend your days giving it your all, if you look back at your life you’ll find areas where you could of done better. You may even regret doing it the way you did.

At the time, it was the best that you could do. The perfect life doesn’t exist. “A life of no regret” simply means that you shouldn’t be focusing on what you did wrong other than to learn from it (Some constantly remind themselves how much of a “looser” they are).

If you are remembering a bad event from the past and you can feel yourself becoming depressed, change the subject in your mind :)

Live, love, forgive and forget.

The Art Of Getting Drunk

Granted this blog is a little bit out of the ordinary. You really can learn something about every situation and here’s what I’ve learned about … well … drinking.

If “loosing” control with alcohol is what you’re looking for then avoid caffeine based product before/during drinking. Why? Caffeine based products (pop/energy drink/coffee) are design to bring you “mental alertness” which is exactly what you don’t want when you drink.

The body can get rid of about 8% of alcohol per hour which means that drinking only beer, or other low % alcohol breverage, may take you while before you get drunk. A few shots usually help solve that problem for me.

If you get that “loosing control” feeling, stop drinking breverage with a high % alcohol unless you’re looking for a big hangover. To keep that feeling, simply drink a low % alcohol an hour (remember, the body gets about 8% of alcohol out of your system per hour).

Drinking a lot of water before going to sleep will help reduce your hangover. Some say that crackers also helps them with the hangover.

IF YOU DRINK DON’T DRIVE!

False myth:
-Alcohol makes better sex: This isn’t true, the only reason why the sex would be better is because it would be done with less “shyness” and both may be more daring to try new things.
-Drinking energy drink, or other caffeine based product, will bring me enough mental alertness to drive: Caffeine based product doesn’t remove the alcohol out of your system, only time does. Don’t drink and drive.

We Don’t Want to Think

Entertainment has become a big part of our lives to the point where we rarely have a moment to think anymore. We can now watch a movie while walking down the street or while taking a leak. We’re connected almost 24h to various devices designed to make our lives easier.

The side effect of this is that while we’re connected to those, we’re getting disconnected from our own lives. We let the devices do the thinking for us.

It’s fun, it’s practical, do we have to be available at all time to it? What is your experience with devices?

Self Awareness Fail

I’m amazed at the errors I’m able to pick out of my past. I never woke up with the intention of doing them and at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. It’s only when you’ve grown a little bit, and look back, that you’re able to find them.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." -Albert Einstein

Wouldn’t it be great to have such a high level of self awareness that you would be able to prevent those errors rather than make them? Sometime it’s as easy as not saying anything!

It’s Easier the Second Time

If you’ve set your mind to eat healthy and you miss a day of doing so … the second day becomes easier not to follow that rule. It’s like once that “rule” is broken, it’s okay to break it again. It becomes harder to get yourself on the right track again.

In time like these, remember why you started it in the first place. That should help you gather the courage to start over again. :)

[Update December 2, 2019]
I remember why I wrote these lines. Most of you should know by now that I've been working out for more than half of my life. My goals have always been to exercise for Health reasons more so than anything else. I quickly found that when you miss one workout it's increasingly easy to miss a second and a third one.
The trick is, at least to me, to never miss a day if my goal is to loose some fat weight.

This is what discipline is all about. Discipline is to follow through on the things you said you were going to do.

Distractions

At this point in my life I’m aware that we’re here for a limited time and that it’s increasingly important to have focus. Yet I still find myself doing things that are not part of my important things just out of boredom .

I heard yesterday that a good way to move forward is to leave behind the things that doesn’t get us anywhere.

Are you able to identify things in your life that are distracting you of your goals?

Broken Inside

“A crooked line doesn’t know it’s crooked until it compare itself with a straight one.” - Unknown

It takes a humble attitude to compare yourself with someone else. I only realized how broken I was once I started hanging out with people who had it better figured out that I was.
They had it figured out with God, financially, relationships … my “flaws” (I determined them to be flaws) were made evident and I got a good idea of what I needed to work on.

The first thing I’ve noticed once I started to figure some things out is that everybody is broken but many don’t take the time to analyze themselves.

What do you need to work on?

Repeating the Same Mistakes

Different people + same mistakes = similar result

The only constant about life is change. We constantly have to improve ourselves if we want to get anywhere in life and one area where we have to be careful of is in our friendships/relationships.

If you lost a couple of relationships due to cheating … it may be a good idea to change that in an attempt to have a successful relationship (which, I believe, should be the goal).

We don’t grow from habits, it’s doing different things that help us grow. Try different things, learn and move forward. There’s so many mistakes to choose from!

Feelings are Focus Related

Have you ever heard of the term “Find your happy place” or “focus on the good side of things” ?

Feelings can be controlled, it’s a matter of changing your focus. If you keep thinking about past break-ups, your feelings will match the experience. On the other hand, if you keep thinking about how much fun you had swimming that one time, or you will have in the future, the feelings will also match.

What are your thoughts?

Two Life Paths

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked own one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

Too Much to Think About

Some of you may have noticed that I missed a couple of blogging days. All I’ve been reading, in the past couple weeks, is the bible.
While there’s a lot to talk about on the matter, there’s also a lot to think about and right now I’m just trying to figure out the scriptures.
Fear not my friends, more is coming.

On another note, feel free to log in to my Facebook to see pictures/video of my recent adventures with some amazing friends! :)

No FEAR

I remember having T-Shirt with the “No FEAR” logo on it. It’s one thing to say it and another to feel it.

The worse thing that can happen to you is death. Death shouldn’t be feared but embraced as a natural part of life. Once you come in peace with this truth, a great deal of your fears and worries goes away. What’s left are either life worries which also include the fear of loosing people you love.

Life is meant to be lived on the edges with some adrenaline rushes here and there.

Connecting through Experiences

It’s been a while since I did anything with my cousins and this week-end I decided to take both of them to climb the highest peak in the Atlantic provinces (Mt. Carleton, see Facebook page for pictures/videos).

In the beginning, I felt a bit disconnected from them but it didn’t take long for that connection to grow back. Hard work, sweat and tears is what brought us back together.

If you’re going through the motion with your relationship, organize a trip that will provide the same experience. Tough time seems to help create memories that turns to unforgettable memories.

I totally recommend Mt. Carleton. The climb was awesome and the reward felt great, worth the share with those special someone of yours.

You Still Love your Partner?

"If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours, if not it wasn't meant to be." - Unknown

If you’re in a situation where your partner doesn’t love you and want to call it quit, agree to it rather than be in a position where you become the “needy” type.

Understand this, even if you are to stick around, they already have a mindset on the person they think you are. There was probably some arguments in an attempt to change you but nothing changed. If you do decide to change at the breakup point, it will require more work because your partner doesn’t believe you can anymore. Be sure to ask what to focus on.

For a relationship to work, both need to understand that life isn’t about finding the perfect person but learning to love an imperfect person perfectly.

Do your Best and Let the Rest Take Care of Itself

“You can’t stop fate; you can only discover it” -Unknown

They’re things you can’t stop from happening no matter how hard you try. The thing is you don’t know what those things are which means you should always be giving your best.

There’s nothing worse than having something happen to you and feel like “you could of done more”. Yes it would probably have happened regardless but wouldn’t it be nice to be able to tell yourself “I gave it my all” rather than feeling you still had some bullets in your gun?

You have one chance to show the world all that you’ve got. Don’t do things half asses, keep moving forward.

Learning Vs Understanding

“When you’re young; you learn. When you’re older; you understand.” -Unknown

You can read all the books in the world, you may not be able to understand the meaning of all of them until you experience it in your life.
Should you not read? Absolutely not, everyone should read to keep their mind sharp and ready to face daily problems. A book, from someone else’s experience, can improve your life.

What book are you currently reading?

Phew!

Alright, I usually write a few blogs beforehand when ever I have time to do so and I haven’t had the chance lately.

I spent the last couple of days praying about some personal issues of mine currently going on in my life. I want God to help me not to remove my problems but to make me stronger for them. It’s not that I have big problems, it’s just that I don’t know how to deal with them.
I know what I logically need to do but my feelings tell me otherwise and for me to do what logic says is hard when feelings gets in the way.

Hakuna Matata right?

Looser - Over time

We spend 24 hours a day with ourselves and we tend to memorize our weaknesses rather than our strengths. The list of weaknesses grows over time because we get to know ourselves better.

During setbacks, we tend to get that list out and go over it. It’s more and more depressing to do so the further ahead we are in our lives which means that it’s increasingly important for us to learn how to cope with setbacks.
For someone, like me, who over think everything during setbacks it can be hard to let go. What I have to do is to make sure I eat right and exercises to exteriorize the pain. If I’m alone in my apt and I can feel a depressing moment coming, I take my car keys and go for a drive. Often, just going outside and feel the wind on my skin makes it go away.

Remember that the one thing you want to do (being alone) is also the worse thing that you can do. The devil works at his best when you’re alone.

Do What You Say!

God sure works in weird ways sometimes. I always was the kind of guy to say something and do something else when the time comes. By doing this, over time, people loose the trust that they have in you and there’s no relationship if there’s no trust.

I never had any consequences from doing so or at least that I could see (cause I found out today that there was). Starting today, my motto is “If you said it … DO IT!”

Can you look back in your life and pin-point times where you said you were going to do something but ended up not doing it?

How Feelings can be Selfish - The Strongest Woman in the World

I’ve had my ups and downs in the past few months. Felt pain, joy and self pity. I was so self-centered on my own “bad experiences” that I failed to see what people close to me was going through.

A friend of mine just got troubling news about a lump she had on her breast. Nothing has been confirmed yet but she was asked to go see the doctor ASAP for “an update” and further investigation. You can judge the size of a person by the size of the problems they’re facing/overcoming. She is the strongest woman I have ever met. She was telling me the news like it was nothing, she was just as joyful as ever while I just felt like crying for her (which I did, on my way back home).

I’m thankful that I get to be her friend. I learn so much with her. I love you lots :)

Relationship and Conditional Sex

I’ve been in relationships where sex was just not present for “X” reason. Sex should be given when ever there’s a need for it. “Conditional sex” doesn’t fix problems but can potentially create another.

Conditional sex is, to it’s core, an attempt to control the other person. Do this and you’ll “earn” your intimacy with me kind of deal.

If you don’t feed your dog, will he just stop asking for food? If the need for intimacy is not taken care of, it won’t simply go away. A relationship is an agreement to take care of each other’s needs. Sex being one of them.

There’s a time to fix problems and there’s a time to be intimate. It’s best not to mix the two.

Couple in the Same Boat

A relationship is like having two people in a small boat. Each person having a paddle in their hands; they have to work together in order to keep the boat in line.

If one person paddle harder, the boat will go in circles. If both paddle on the same side, it will go in circles. If one doesn’t paddle, it will go in circles. If both doesn’t paddle then it just drifts away …

Focus on only what you can do. Be sure to be in sync at all time with your partner.

Pain is Good?

In a crazy way, I think we sometime want to get hurt. Have you ever been on the “victim” side of a break-up? Were you compel to ask for news about your ex afterwards? What “good” did that do?

This situation is like removing a band-aid quickly then, when asking for news, putting it back on just to remove it afterwards (There’s more than one way to see this).

Pain is often a good indicator of the things that need to change. However, we seem to willingly look for it at times when we should walk to opposite way.

Using Humor to Connect

The best way to get in someone’s heart is to make them laugh your way through. Humor is a great ice breaker, it doesn’t really matter what you say. If the other person laugh, you just broke down a wall.

I can prove this by asking you which comedian you like. Chances are you like which ever one makes you laugh the most. I bet you don’t even know the comedian all that well and yet you’ve accepted him in your heart.

How long would it take for someone who doesn’t make you laugh to get in your heart? Probably a long time. What can you do with someone if you can't laugh with them?

When You Just Don’t Connect

There are times when you’ll meet people that you simply can’t connect with. Instead of appearing funny/nice/honest/... to them, you’ll be an annoyance.

The best thing to do in those situation is to let them be and move on. There’s simply nothing you can do to help the situation. Be sure to apologize if you feel they saw your interaction as arrogance. It’s not your fault, they may just be having a bad day.

Have you encountered anybody like that recently? (That you either found annoying or you feel like you were an annoyance to them)

Being Uncomfortable

When ever I’m uncomfortable my mind seems to think of ways to release it and bring me back into a more comfortable level. The feelings are sometime so strong that I find myself acting in ways that I wouldn’t normally act. I understand those feelings but I have yet to control them. They have a big influence over my thoughts and actions.

Those uncomfortable times happens when I’m alone and the best way to deal with them is to get out of that environment. Sometimes, just a trip to the gym helps clear my thoughts.

What do you do to clear your mind?

Not so Different

The brain, while being various is size, produce similar thoughts in each individual. Why is it that when a group of people is faced with a simple logical question that they all find the same answer?
If we all think differently, shouldn’t we be finding different answers? Our “Logic” is what makes us similar in our thinking. Logic is but an obvious next step to an issue; it’s seeking the right answer.

Where did that logic comes from? If I tell you to give me the answer of “15-2” what will you give me? Where did you learn that “15-2 = 13” ?

You tell me :)

4 Common Relationship Killer (From Lifehacker.com)

Lifehacker is a website that contains random post from “How to have a better sex life” to “Simple ways to wash your car”.

The purpose of the website is to help the readers in various areas.One of today’s post identify 4 common relationship killer. I was able to relate with the article and I’d thought I’d share it with you guys.

Here’s the link: http://lifehacker.com/5840566/how-to-avoid-the-four-most-common-relationship-killers

Remembering a Feeling

Memory is an amazing thing. Because of it, we’re able to remember the kind of feeling we had while experiencing things in our lives.

It’s the reason why some relationships are hard to forget.

We may forget a few moments here and there but the feeling never seem to go away. It’s like our brain recorded the chemicals required to duplicate the feeling and never changes the recipe.

This could also explain why some stay in abusive relationships; they just focus on the feeling they used to have instead of seeing things for the way they are (assuming the abusive relationship happened gradually).

How do you feel when you think about events from your past?

Temptation

Temptation comes in many different forms and It promises nothing more than pleasure. Pleasure doesn’t bring happiness; only an increasing desire for more pleasure.
It’s a vicious cycle that, once in, is hard to get rid of. We instinctively know when we’re being tempted by something. Identifying those things isn’t a problem, it’s just a matter of not succumbing to it.

If it doesn’t feel right; don’t do it.

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Revision Wednesday
Blog post edited/re-posted on June 10, 2015

The Power of Words

I often say things expecting to hear something. I can tell someone I’m going to leave just to hear them say that they want me to stay.
What I realized is that I’m expected to do as I say more often than hearing what I want to hear out of them. The thing is, if I never had any intention of leaving; I’m now obligated to do so. (Confused yet?)

Unspoken expectations often have undesirable results. What I learned out of that is to be more careful as of why I say the things that I say. If there’s a meaning behind the words, beside what they actually mean, it’s best to rephrase it to better reflect how I feel.

Acne - Vitamin A

I’m not a dermatologist. I’ve had acne problem since I’m like 14 and I thought that it’s something that will go away over time. The truth is that oily skin isn’t age related but food related. Your body uses what you eat to regenerate itself.

I’m aware that there’s all sorts of product that help reduce the acne on the skin by drying it but that doesn’t help the root of the problem.

After doing some research, I found out that acne is cause by an excess of sebum in the skin and that it wasn’t necessary caused by fatty food (I rarely eat fatty food). I read that a lack of Vitamin A can cause an excess of sebum in the skin which turns into acne.

Vitamins A comes from potatoes, carrots, salads, cantaloupe etc (you can do a research online to find more). Notice that almost none of those are found in fatty food, if they are, they were all processed and probably contain less vitamin A than if eaten from the source.

Add more vitamins A to your diet and see if it does a difference to you :)

Sources: http://www.ehow.com/about_4613837_what-is-sebum.html

Sex; Not so Sacred Anymore

There was a time where it was odd to have sex prior to marriage. After a while, having sex with a girlfriend was considered “okay”.

These days, it’s not only “okay” to have sex with a girlfriend, it’s “okay” to have sex with friends (don’t need a relationship).

To me, a relationship is more special and requires more work than friendship. To have sex with a “friend” is like saying that “I’m too lazy to work on a relationship but I still want to fill that need for intimacy”.

Are we so afraid to commit to a relationship that we not only not want to wait until marriage, we don’t even want to wait to feel that “special” connection anymore (hence doing it with friends)?

Never Stop

It seems to be harder to go back to the gym once you take a couple of days off. The mind, after convincing you not to do it the first time, seems to be stronger the second/third/... time around.

Obviously, this doesn’t only apply to the gym but any other good habit that requires work on your part. It takes more motivation to keep a good habit than a bad one.

The secret to keep a good habit, like going to the gym, is simply not listening to ourselves when our mind tells us to take a break. It’s to go even if we don’t feel like it.

Keep the momentum going! :)

Break up - Moving on to the Next Relationship

I will just assume that everyone is different on this. I tried a few different ways to try to “move on” faster and I find the best way, for me, is to just wait a while. Lately, I’ve attempted to meet a new person and I felt like I wasn’t ready for it yet.
How did I know? I felt like it was too fast.

I’ve been in a couple of relationships in my life but I can’t say that I’ve deeply felt anything for any of them. My last one is the only time that I really ever gave my best to it.

The feeling can only be compared to my soccer days when I would work hard to win a game and we would end up loosing it. The lost hurt more because I know I gave it my best but I’m still proud having given my best.

Take your time before jumping in a new relationship.

We’re All Different Just like Everybody Else

Our DNA is unique but not our behavior. This is what allows us to be categorized into groups.

There’s various behavioral groups out there, the first that comes into mind is “Kid - Teen - Adult”. What defines a kid? What defines a teen? What defines an Adult?
In this case, each individual, that’s within the level above the next, can probably identify what defines the group that they just came out of.

What behavior do you have and what group do you think that puts you in?

Big Kids

It’s in my belief that nobody will take care of “me” better than myself and, because of that belief, I tend to do things “my own way”. Chris Brady calls it a “Rascal” which is not a bad person, just someone who don’t always follow the “rules” put in place by the corporate world. Which is why I get some “schooling” here and there.

It’s like being a grown up kid. The maturity is there, the respect is there but the “I’ll kiss your butt for a raise” attitude isn’t.

Say Nothing

Lately, I learned about how powerful who ever gives you your paycheck is. Their level of commitment, to the business, is way greater than mine which is probably why they are where they are.

When ever you’re called in the office to get some “schooling”, the right thing to do is listen and say “Yes sir” to what ever he’s talking about. Show some respect and it will go a lot smoother than if you don’t.

Employee Focus

It doesn’t matter the kind of business you have. It doesn’t matter if you create things or offer services to clients. An organization’s most important resource is its people. It’s not the clients, it’s not the customers … it’s the employees.

The employees are the one who provides the services or products. If they’re not happy, your product or service will suffer from it.

Be employee focus, treat them well and it will be returned to you.

Opening of a Box - The Beginning of an Experience

The package of a product is where it all begins. Prior to our hands-on experience with the gadget, we first have to unlock it’s secret through it’s box.

Many companies seems to overlook the importance of that starting point. The box is the first impression that one gets, the second being the gadget itself.

Apple mastered the box department. Those of you who got a new apple product know what I’m talking about. The box is so well put together that you really feel like you have something special even before touching the product. It’s like they’re telling us “this product is special to us and now it’s yours”.

That first impression, I believe, helps put apple on top of the chart. If a company put so much care on something so mundane as a box then surely they do it everywhere else (and they do).

Have you had any good/bad experience from just the opening of a box?

Communication in Relationships

If sex can be a good indicator of how well a relationship is going, communication is often what causes a relationship to be good or bad.

I recently learned that not voicing the problems is not only not making them go away, it also changes how you interact with your partner. Since it builds up inside of you, you’re more likely to get angry at other small things that isn’t important and may deviate the focus from the main issue.

Example:
-I’m frustrated because we’re not intimate often enough. One day, I go in the bathroom and find the toilet paper roll empty and freak out to my girlfriend about it. She thinks I’m mad because of the toilet paper roll when really the issue is the lack of intimacy.
She now focuses her attention on changing the paper roll rather than working on the intimacy issue.

Know that nobody was put on earth to specifically hurt you. People hurt you without even noticing it and those who does it on purpose only do it because they can’t stand themselves. Communicate in a kind way and find solutions together. :)

Accidents Happens

This morning, I was involved in a small accident in the parking lot of my apartment. We were both eager to get to work and I believe that’s what made us a bit distracted. We’re both fine with only a few scracth on his car and a potential bigger problem on mine (I’m having it checked today, wheels felt a bit shaky coming to work).

I think it’s pretty funny how quick things like that happens. It’s God’s way to tell me “Pay attention!”.

The Corporate World

The corporate world makes me sick. The “Hey how are you? Good you” conversation drives me nuts. We’re ask to dedicate our lives to a cause that is not our own knowing that we can get layed off the second the market goes down. How can we invest ourselves in something that can go away the next day?

They design a ladder for us to climb on and most of the time the only way to get the next step is to push another person out. No wonder it’s filled with know it all babies. No wonder that people want you to get ahead, just no ahead of them.

How can it be changed? I believe the only way is for a company to invest in self-growth material rather than material designed to make them better for the company.

Making a mechanic learn more mechanic skills makes him a better mechanic. Making a mechanic learn self-growth makes him a better person and a better person makes a better mechanic.

What are your thoughts?

Big Boss

Being a “boss” is often just a title. I’ve encountered many superiors who I have a lot of respect for and others that … well they’re just superiors.

The difference between the two is how they interact with the people bellow them. Are they giving orders or leading them? Are they treating people as individuals or employees?

I don’t feel like I have to elaborate more on that, we pretty much know the difference instinctively.

If there’s fear towards a superior than he’s just a superior, if there’s a feeling of mutual respect than he’s a leader.

Opposition

There is such a thing as people living mediocre lives. Some of them will fight you when ever they feel you’re doing something different. They don’t mind you getting ahead, they just don’t want you getting ahead of them.

Some people spend more time trying to destroy other people’s building than building theirs. If you help other people build their buildings, there’s a chance they may help build yours. We need the help and support of other people to bring us to higher heights.

For more on the subject, see my bellow post.

Biggest building in town:
http://mathieuhachey.blogspot.com/2010/11/biggest-building-in-town.html

When family and friends turns into the enemy:
http://mathieuhachey.blogspot.com/2011/03/when-family-and-friend-turns-into-enemy.html

Where Are The Men?

We live in a world where men aren't teached how to become men anymore. They're told to quit when things get hard, leave when things get complicated and give up on themselves when ever they can.

Anything worth achieving will demand work. To become who you're supposed to become, you'll have to leave behind who you are.

Don't Have Time for Excuses

Don’t have time for excuses Everybody creates excuses in pairs. One excuses usually sounds good and the other one is the real one.

”If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way; if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse”-Proverb

When someone is unwilling to do something, instead of saying no, he will come up with something to say to “save face”. I don’t really care what the first excuse is since it’s purpose is only to sound good, I can only work with the real excuses and in order to find the real excuse, i have to bypass the first one.

For more on this, I recommend reading the book “How I raised myself from failure to success in selling” by Frank Bettger

Here’s the book on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Raised-Myself-Failure-Success-Selling/dp/067179437X

Blog Goal

There’s an average of 200 user visiting my blog each month. I want to triple that by this time next year.

The plan

• After some study, I’ve noticed that there’s a significant difference of page views when doing reviews and relationship blogs. I will do more of those without loosing focus of “Learning is living”. I still want to tap in the many various learn-able subjects that is life.
• I’ll be my own best promoter. With the help of twitter and Facebook, I’ve gathered a small community that I know is reading my blog from time to time. I will promote my new blogs on those social sites more.
• Reading more books will help me develop blogs with more/better information.
• Since I’m continually growing, the things I write may not be true to me anymore. I will do searches, on my blog, for the subjects I want to write about and update those blogs if needed. This will help keep my post up to date.
• The template I have does the job but it’s something that many have seen before on other blogspot blogs. I want one of my own so that it stands out more.
• I want to put some ads up and see how that goes. It may help keep people on my site longer and help them find value in it. (Better chance of them returning)
• Add links to other blogs that’s mentioning a similar subject than what I’ve posted. This will help my readers to have a different view than my own and may help them value my information more.
• I have a crazy idea of doing contest where my readers could win prizes.
• Posting comments on other blogs will help get my name out there more. I’ve set myself a goal to post at least 1 comment a day to someone else’s blog.
• Adding more video/pictures that support the subject of the blog.

If you have anything you would like to add that you think could help me reach my 600/month goal, let me know :)

Jealousy

Trust is the very foundation of a relationship. Jealousy is a lack of trust. It comes from people with low self esteem; they have problems trusting themselves so they believe that others can’t be trusted.

Life is an interpretation of ourselves.

Jealousy is a form of worry. A jealous heart is able to create entire scenarios that never happened and make them so real that they will behave differently with their partner.

If you’re one of those that think jealousy is a sign of love;it’s not. I have yet to come across a relationship book that tells me otherwise.

Not allowing the other person to go out is not the cure of a jealous heart. If you create a prison; prisoners will try to escape to freedom. If you want to trust your partner, start by trusting yourself. Self growth is required to better identify the source of our jealousy and overcome it.

I recommend reading the bible.

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Revision Wednesday (on Tuesday)
Blog post edited/re-posted on April 21, 2015

Leading or Dating

Since I’ve started working on my business, I’ve encountered many woman who has shown interest in me rather than my business. I haven’t done anything with any of them and I find it hard to understand the error in my ways. I don’t flirt or do anything of the sort. I’m only meeting to do business.

Building something like this single is quite intriguing to say the least. If the question “Are you seeing anybody?” comes up, I can just pack my bags and leave. That’s my cue that she met me for the wrong reasons.

Maybe it’s my outgoing personality, or that I take good care of myself or maybe these women are just lonely and want someone to love. What ever it may be, I have yet to find a solution.

Iphone 4 Review

Well this is it folks- I got a Iphone 4 and am officially in the smart phone consumer sphere. While I’m aware that it’s not the best smart phone out there in terms of specs. I do, however, feel like I’m carrying a beast of a machine. My past experience with apple helped with my decision to buy the Iphone. I was very satisfied with my little nano and shuffle and I just assume I would be with the Iphone. I have to say that I was right.

The nano and shuffle are the best mp3 player I ever had. I've got one of the first generation nano and it still works perfectly after all those years. Something I can't say about all the mp3 player I had (I was lucky if they would last me a year!).

Needless to say that I have big expectation for my new Apple product and so far it delivers.

In a nutshell:
+Everything in one place (Phone,Mp3, camera, calendar, games, email, apps …)
+Cool design
+Crazy amount of apps
+Responsive touchscreen
+Good for txting
+Headphone with microphone
+Feels like you have something special
+Supports different kind of music files
+Multitasking
+Lots of accessories available
+Frequent update
-/+Full charge last me a day
-/+No physical button for camera(Snaptap app can fix this)
-/+Need Itune software
-/+Need your credit card for account subscription
-/+Can't delete pre-installed apps

-Price
-No Flash player
-Lots of bad apps
-Play only .mov movies
-Apple owns you and your apps (If an app is discontinued, it will be erased from your phone)
-Scratch-able screen/back
-Doesn’t fit in my pockets (I do have a big case for it)

LIFE 11-1-11

I just came back from a Team Major Leadership seminar and I have to say that I’m super pumped about what is coming. There are big changes in the industry that will monetize the “Facebook” concept by distributing information.

There’s no better time to get in the business than today. Who ever starts, today, to build a business structure with TEAM will take full advantage of the changes that’s coming on 11-1-11.

What are you waiting for?

“Research”

Being in the health market; I see a lot of people who wants to do “research” on my product and they do so by going online. They make their decision based on the first blog that mention it.

Now, I have access to scientific research that proves my product is good but because I’m the one who supplies the research and the product, they automatically think that it’s bias.

What are the chances that I paid a scientist million of dollars to falsify the result of a research vs the chances that the “blogger” had no clue what he was talking about?

Note: Dr Shauss, one of the scientific behind the research, is not affiliated with the product. He just tested it!

Being Aware that We’re Going to Die

We will all die eventually, there’s no way around it. That truth becomes more evident the older we get.

I remember when I was a teen, I would do things and my parents would tell me “You will regret this later on”. Well now I’m 25 and I can safely say that they were right.

Life is like climbing a one sided mountain. The longer we climb, the more we see that there’s a limit, or a top. Many dies way before they realize there’s a top, they just arrived to the top without knowing simply because the first few steps are the easiest ones.

The body is design to make us realize that we’re here for a limited amount of time. As we grow older, there’s a few aches and pains that appears. Flue tends to stick with us longer and our energy level seems to be on the low more often than we would like it to be.

Death should not be feared but embraced as a natural part of life. We’re here for a limited amount of time, let’s make our lives count by influencing this negative society in a positive way.

"Leadership: Tidbits and treasures" Book Review

I usually write reviews of the books I read in a small journal. Through some chain of events, I’ve lost it and I decided to write one on here instead.

Now before I start, here’s a little bit of my recent background. I’ve been through a lot of emotional experience lately and I use books to try to figure out things about my life. "Leadership: Tidbits and treasures" book, by Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward, did just that.

The title best defines what the book is about; “Leadership: Tidbits and treasures” is a book with short chapters that cover various subjects for individuals looking to lead. The book covered a vast aray of subjects (Integrity, character, freedom, politics … just to name a few).

What I liked the most about those authors is the simplicity of the words they use. I don’t need to have a dictionary at hand to understand the point that they’re trying to make. They also tend to back up their messages by quoting what other authors said on the subject which shows that they spend time studying.

If I would have a rating system, I would give this books 4.5 thumbs up out of 5 (I would give it a 5 thumbs up but one of my thumbs got cut off in half … I don’t want to talk about it). I recommend this book to anyone who’s looking for an easy read on leadership.

Relationships Turn Around

How can a loving couple eventually end up not even speaking to each other? I understand that there’s times where it’s needed to part ways and I just wonder when does an act of love becomes an annoyance rather than a expression of love.

If you still had feelings for the person that broke up with you, then you may know what i’m talking about. It’s when you tell them that you miss them and they “sigh” rather than be happy about it. Which is the normal thing to do since their heart wonders somewhere else.

Some say that they grew apart while others are afraid of commitment or happiness. All I know for sure is that once the “in love “ experience is over, love becomes work and not many out there are willing to work for it.

Business Ethic - Why I choose Apple

A long time ago, I was looking for an mp3 player and decided to go with Apple. I was hearing great things about the ipod and was able to find one second hand (nano) for 35$. A couple years later, I can safely say that it’s the best mp3 player I ever had (still works perfectly).

Now that I want to get into the smart phone market, which company do you think I will be more likely to choose? I’m aware that the Iphone 4 isn’t the best smart phone on the market but I don’t trust any other company. Apple already proved to me, with the ipod, that they build things to last. I can’t say the same with any other company.

Business ethic is really important. By making quality product, in one area, apple actually sold me on an entirely different market even while not being the best. Everything, from the un-boxing to the IOS, looks like it’s a big deal. Those of you who bought an apple product new know what I’m talking about.

Being Indifferent - The End of a Relationship

If you have experienced a break-up, you’re familiar with the “indifferent” stage. It’s when you feel like you’re now annoying the person who broke up with you.

There’s not much you can do when it’s up to that point. I’d say that the opposite of what you want to do is the right thing to do. Assuming that what you want to do is to be back with the person who broke up with you.

Moving on from a relationship is like removing a band-aid. You can do it slowly so that the pain is small but last longer or you can do it quickly which is more painful for a smaller period of time.

Your choice.

Being on the Fence

Being on the fence is when you’re not sure of your next move. There’s usually more than one option (to stay put being one of them).

Sometimes, people may wait for your decision and leave before any decision was made. Being on the fence doesn’t benefit anyone. It’s best to take a side and assume the consequences.

In the past, I always took my decision based on “I don’t want to hurt anybody” and it turned out to hurt me. My advice to you is it doesn’t matter what side you take as long as the decision is yours.

Break up-The stages of the “Breaker”

Who ever initiate a break-up goes through different stages, or feelings, afterwards. It’s never easy to let someone go and it’s interesting to see the changes inside of a person after such event happens. I've identified the following (does not necessary happen in a sequence):

Relief: If nothing is stopping it, a relationship usually slowly deteriorates before the breaker ends it. Due to the week/months of tension prior to the break-up, there’s a sentiment of relief and freedom that takes over soon after it ends.

Confused: This stage usually follows the relief. The confused individual doesn’t know if breaking up was a good idea. They don’t want to hurt the other person and they like having that person around still. They still meet and stay in contact.

Indifferent/Acceptance: This stage usually follows the confused stage. This is where they feel they made the right decision by letting the other person go. They don’t feel anything (maybe friendship) at this point and they couldn’t care less what the other person does with their lives. This is where they start to loose contact. They moved on.

Hate: It occurs when the breakup was due to treason or other harsh experience. It could potentially follow the indifferent stage if the “ex” is trying hard to get attention or get back together. The person, who initiated the break-up, has not only moved on but also avoid the ex when ever possible.

If you’ve been through a break up, you may be able to relate with one of the step above. If it’s different, let me know and I’ll consider changing/adding the list. :)

**Special thanks to Chantal for her help with this.

Fear of Relationship Commitment

The fear to commit is only present when there’s second thoughts about what you’re trying to achieve. In a relationship, it’s present when there’s second thoughts about the other person.

A relationship doesn’t just end up suddenly. It happens gradually until 1, of the 2, Finally decides to move on.The popular belief is that love is supposed to last for ever and we should call it “quit” as soon as we feel it’s gone while in-fact; love needs to be worked on constantly.

After the initial “In love” experience, certain habits starts to form and we start seeing the other person as a “normal” person rather than the super person we fell in love with. In order to keep the flames big and bright, we need to constantly put wood in the fire by doing things for each other.

It takes two to work at it. One side relationships doesn’t work. If you’re the only one doing all the work, you will either get tired and leave or the other person will leave. Why would the other person leave in this case? Giving away love is also a good way to feel it back and if the other person doesn’t give love, that person won’t feel love regardless of what you’re trying to do. If there’s no interest in doing things FOR you then there’s probably no interest IN you.

Feeling Fat

Feelings are often illogical. If weight is important to you and you wake up feeling fat but a quick look at the scale shows you didn’t gain weight, why do you feel fat?

When ever I feel fat, I can always trace it back to a bad meal I got, or when I skipped the gym. I feel fat because I didn’t do what I was supposed to do.
I don’t ignore those feelings when I get them because Health & Fitness is important to me. What I do instead is take a mental note of it and fix it by eating a healthier meal and going to the gym.

Here we Go Again

How is it that different situations, handle in a similar way, gives similar result? Have you ever been in a situation, with a someone, where you were like “Hey, I was here before but not with that person...”.

“Lesson repeated until lesson learned.” -Unknown

Noticing it, to me, is the crazy part. It’s my chance to make the outcome different because I can now potentially know how things will end up. If I act differently, the outcome will be different.

Those situation are usually bad ones so for me to notice them is a great blessing.

Listening to New People

The biggest fear, when meeting someone new, is to run out of things to say. Ironically, good listeners doesn’t have that problem.

You show you’re a good listener by the type of question you ask. It needs to be related to the subject in an attempt to get the other person talk his heart out.

Good Books are Difficult to Tind - TEAM System

If you’re like me, you’re a slow reader which means that it takes a while before finishing reading a book.

Isn’t it annoying to be done with a book and not feel like you’ve learned anything? Or it just wasn’t fulfilling and it felt more like a waste of time than anything else?

There’s a solution to that problem and it’s to find yourself a system, or a group, that can filtrate books for you. The “TEAM” system does just that. All books goes through a screening process and needs to be approved by the top leaders of our Country so you know what you read is good information.

Find yourself a system.

It Starts With You

If you have a tendency to sin. You will be more likely to think that other people are sinning too.

If this is true then life is but an interpretation of ourselves and it changes when we change.

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Revision Wednesday
Blog post edited/re-posted on May 13, 2015

I Want You to Care

Care comes from within. To do things in an attempt to make someone else care is like drinking poison an expecting that person to die.

If it’s not in that person to care about you then there’s nothing you can do to make them care. You can’t force someone into liking you.

When to Quit...

I used to think that one should never quit anything but there’s time where there is nothing else that can be done. It would be hard to imagine a business still making vinyl disk, or a VHS player...

“A leader quits on ideas, not on himself.” -unknown

Sometimes, “quitting” decisions have to be made for the sake of a better future. Ask yourself “If I put wood in this fire, will it be bigger in the future?” if the answer is no, then start another fire somewhere else.

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Revision Wednesday
Blog post edited/re-posted on June 17, 2015

Sick of Technology

I’m sick of being connected in some way, shape, or form to a little electronic device. I hate the “I’m available” expectation that surrounds it (some people get mad when I don’t answer txt right away).

Some believe that it brings people together while in-fact it drives them apart. How is sitting at home alone browsing a social site makes people closer together? Or how is sitting in a room, next to a friend, txting another friend makes people closer together?

Human interaction is becoming instinct!

“But I’m shy, that’s the most comfortable way for me to meet people”
While this is true, it kills self confidence. There’s nothing more rewarding than giving ourselves a pat on our back after having the guts of getting out of our comfort zone to go meet new people.

Life needs to be uncomfortable at times, it’s part of the experience. Comfort doesn’t bring happiness.

Make it a goal to not use any device while being around friends. Let’s make it a goal to pay attention to the moment rather than a machine. Let’s remove “social” out of “social media” and place it before the word “life” (social life).

Emotional Pain - How does it work?

There’s a logic behind physical pain. When you get hurt physically, the pain you feel is due to the nerves sending signals to your brain to stop what you’re doing but how does emotional pain works?

It can take a long time for us to feel emotional pain (A.K.A. Regrets) and it’s sometime more powerful than any physical pain. If there’s no outside forces physically hurting us, does it mean that the emotional pain is self-inducted? Which means that we can control it?

If we can control it, then why do we choose to hurt ourselves most of the time? Is it because our emotions are like untamed lions roaming inside of our heads and we just don’t know how to tame them?

Is emotional pain created from how we see things? If so, can it be controlled by controlling how we see those things?

Any thoughts?

Vancouver Riot - A Disgrace to Freedom

You know you live in a country that’s been babied when it’s population start a riot over something as meaningless as the lost of a hockey game.

Some people fight to survive while others starts riots for the lost of a hockey game.

There are countries out there where people have to fight for their very survival. We’re fortunate enough to live in a country that’s free of such burden and yet we take it for granted.

Are we so emotionally attached to a sport that our very mood is dependent of it?

*Update: I heard rumors that the riot was planned by a small group of people, even if the team would win/loose/fail, just to loot the stores. It still takes more than a small group of people for it to be called a "riot".

Earning a Living or Surrendering your Life?

Who ever you work for control your life. Based on the salary you agreed to take, it will determined the car you drive, the amount of kids you have, the university they’ll attend … etc. Life is no longer about what you want, it’s about what you can afford. You don’t live life, you survive through.

They also control the best part of your day, what skills you need to have, when you eat/sleep or when you can take vacations.

All of this for the sake of “job security” which, like the Loch Ness monster, is just a myth. If tomorrow, your job is not required anymore, you’re gone. Where’s the security in that? WHERE IS IT!??

You have no control over your job, your job control you!

You are not paid what you’re worth-you’re paid a little bit less of what the job is worth. They will match what the job is worth over the years by giving raises until it’s close to match. Then, they will ask that you move “up the ladder”.

You can either live your life or survive through it. Job, after all, means “Just Over Broke”. Choose wisely.

Nobody is Perfect

Whoever thinks he’s perfect will be more likely to point out other people’s flaws than the person who knows he’s not perfect.

Pride tends to follow those people. They’re easily irritated and believe they’re the center of the universe.

Those people are blinded by their own ego. They have yet to find the truth.

Living With Demons

There’s things that are bad for the soul. They promise nothing more than pleasure.

The heart was born pure and over time we let desires take over in an attempt to fill the empty space where faith should be.

Don’t give light to those desires. If you give it light, you will have to live with it for the rest of your life.

"When you finish your race and look back at the footsteps of your life, what are you going to see, and what are you going to be proud of?" - Page 34 of Leadership: Tidbits and Treasures by Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward

Consistency with my Blog

For the pass 8 + months, I’ve been pretty consistent with my blog writing. I aim to do 5 + a week. I’m to the point where I read, or do, things with the “I’m going to write about it” mind set.

When I have nothing to write about, it means that I’ve been slacking off on my learning (usually happens when I don’t read an hour a day). It’s a good way, I find, to keep track of my learning consistency.

If you want more consistency in what you learn, maybe writing about what you learn on a blog, or journal, may help motivate you to keep on learning until learning becomes fun (It really is).

Relay For Life end Result

Last I checked, the Fredericton Relay For Life raised over 177K with a few teams raising more than 8K.

It was my first Relay For Life experience and I loved it. I really liked the various activities and bands that were playing throughout. I came across a man who walked the entire time (or at least it was his goal) stopping only for a quick bite or bathroom break.

The event had many different sponsors who gave money, or products, to help with the event. It wouldn’t have had the same without them. One, of those sponsors, was “Pizza Twice” who donated 80 pizzas to the event. It was my first “Pizza Twice” experience and it won’t be my last (they make good pizza).

I’ll be there again next year! :)

L.I.F.E. - Living Intentionally For Excellence - Book

I just finished the book called “L.I.F.E” by author Chris Brady and Orrin Woodward. The book contained many of their best twitter post along some very interesting articles about various subjects related to leadership.

It was a quick and easy read that went straight to the point. One of my favorite article was found on page 86 entitled “Only you can stop you”. It was about how much influence we have on ourselves and how important it is to “shut the little” guy inside of us at times.

I recommend this book to everyone.

Follow Chris Brady (http://twitter.com/#!/RascalTweets) and Orrin Woodward (http://twitter.com/#!/Orrin_Woodward) on twitter! :)

Relay For Life – June 10, 2011

Tomorrow, from 7pm to 7am will be the Fredericton relay for life. Relay for life is a fundraising organization for the Canadian Cancer Society. This year will be my first time attending the event and I know some of you probably know more about it than I do.

If you’re like me, you know (or knew) someone with cancer, come to the event specifically design to move closer to the cure. It’s at the Fredericton Raceway starting 7pm tomorrow (June 10, 2011).

Website:http://www.frederictonrelayforlife.org
Time & Date: June 10, 2011 (7pm-7am)
Location: Fredericton Raceway, Exhibition Grounds

Keeping a Journal of the Book you Read

I keep hearing (cds) and reading about how important it is to keep/update a journal of the book I read.

I used to do it, lightly, using google document. I stopped after I started reading more than one book at a time. I couldn’t handle all the work anymore I guess … (add excuse here)

What Orrin Woodward suggest is to “Keep a journal that includes a list tracking the books you’ve read. Record the title, author, genre and the date you finished reading each book. This allows, in one glance, a quick indication of the size and scope of your reading.”

Well folks, if one of the top 25 leaders is saying that it’s important to keep track of the books I read then who am I to not listen and apply this?

Retirement - Not related to Age

Today is the day that Joce Dionne, who’s in his early 30s, retire. There is such a thing as the 45 year plan. Design by the government, this plan says that you should work for 45 years before you get the pension/retire.

Some people, like Joce, get out of “the herd” and work on retiring early. What I find exciting about this is that I do the same thing as him.

I find life to be like going to the gym. Spot the guy/girl who as the result you want and do what that person does. If I do what he did, I should roughly get the same result.

I don’t know about you but retiring now would be better than retiring later … any thoughts?

A Lifetime of Weakness

As a kid, I used to think that adults were invincible. That I could tell them anything and it wouldn't hurt their feelings and that once I get to that age, I would be the same.

“When you’re young; you learn. When you get older; you understand.” -Unknown

How do I know how broken adults are? Because I’m an adult and I am broken. The best way to have an idea of how other people feel is to study how you feel facing the same situation that they’re facing.

‎"I think we never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public." -Chuck Goetschel

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Revision Wednesday (on a Tuesday)
Blog post edited/re-posted on May 5, 2015

Health - Foundation of Success

Attitude is everything. Having a good attitude is a decision that’s easier to make when you feel great and feeling great starts with the decision to be healthy. Being physically healthy helps being mentally healthy.

You are what you eat
It is of no secret what it takes to be physically healthy. Eat right and exercise. Both are simple and easy to do. The problem is that they’re both easy not to do as well.

“Sickness is not due to old age, it’s a violation of the laws of health over a period of time” -Unknown

The most popular of excuse is the “I’m busy”. If you don’t have time to work on your health now, be prepared to make time for sickness later. Find time your body, your vehicle for life, is depending on it.

How you think determines how healthy you are by the choices you make.
Life is a series of daily decisions. In this microwave society, we think that everything should happen fast and we tend to bring that mindset to the gym. Too often I see people work out just enough not to make it.

We change our thinking through reading and listening to self-growth material.

It’s a decision to eat healthy. It’s a decision to go to the gym and keep with it. Decide to get healthier today!

A Successful Friend

I’ve known this guy my entire life, we grew up together and we’ve done everything together.

When looking back at my life, I never really realized, at the time, how successful of a thinker he was. This man had the guts to ask 10-20 girls out for a date on a lunch break and even after being rejected by everyone of them, he would ask another 10-20 girls out at the next break.

The rejection is not the point. The point is that he never gave up. He had the guts to get up and be in that uncomfortable position time and time again. Something that the rest of the gang didn’t have.

That principle can be seen in his life today and it makes him very successful in what he does. He’s the perfect example of what you did then affects your today and what you do today shapes your tomorrow.

Love you lots Brian Roy! :)

The Lost art of Feeling like a Man

I feel like a man the most when I do hard, physical, work and in these time and age, everything is computerized. Mind you, it’s still hard work. It just shifted from physical work to mental work.

Being mentally exhausted ain’t the same as being physically exhausted and I find it more rewarding when it’s physical. When I’m mentally exhausted, I’m just tired and it ends there. When I’m physically exhausted, I feel like I achieved something. That rewarding feeling turns into pride and makes me feel more confident about myself and my abilities.

Maybe that’s just the way I’m wired. To me, the gym is a way to still get that feeling without having to change career (I love my computerized job).

Living with urgency - Tomorrow isn’t Promised

If it’s not now then when? If it’s not done now, what are the chance that we’ll be able to do it at another time? Something else will come up, or our time on this earth will end.

We don’t have 1000 years. We barely can make it through 100. No more procrastination! If something needs to be done, it needs to be done now.

We can learn from the pass and the pass is done. The future can be planed but the future is not upon us yet. The “NOW” is all we got. We’ll never see this moment again, ever.

We have one chance, give it all you got.

Lying Less Starts With You

If we are the one person we love the most in the world and we sometime lie to ourselves. Why wouldn't we lie to other people?

Telling ourselves we’re going to do something and we end up not doing it is a lie that, over time, affect how we see ourselves. We’re not stupid, we will end up not believing ourselves and it will make us feel like a looser.

It’s a simple fix but not an easy one. We just have to commit to what we say. We have to become people of integrity. It all begins with the small decisions.

Sex isn’t Everything BUT...

Many will argue that sex isn’t everything in a relationship. Sex is a good way to know if the relationship is on track or not. When sex is less frequent, it may be because of one of the following:

1. Don’t like sex - Sex, to some people, may be a reminder of bad experiences or they just don’t like the feeling (the prior is more common though).
2. Too repetitive/not exciting - We’re creature of habits and sex tends to become more of a habit, in the long run, than something exciting. Sex should be more than just a release. Let your imagination run wild. Trying new things is the best way to know if you’re going to like it or not.
3. Relationship Issue that needs fixing - Relationships comes with it’s own set of problems. It’s impossible to have a perfect relationship, it’s something that should be constantly worked on. A relationship is something that you do and not something that you have. The problem is often not with your partner, it’s how you see your partner. Life is not about finding the perfect person. It’s about learning to love an imperfect person perfectly. Every situation is different. Communication is key.
4. The sex isn’t good - If you and your partner just don’t connect sexually then logically it won’t happen often. More on this bellow.

When the sex isn’t good you can ...

1. Tell - Everyone likes different things, by letting your partner know what you like, the sex will become better. Practice makes perfect, give your partner lessons on how to pleasure you and how you can pleasure your partner.
2. Endure - I love sex too much to endure it. However, I may do things that I don’t necessary like just because I know my partner does.
3. Take control - If you’re afraid of telling your partner, taking control may help your partner figure out what you like.
4. Change partner - If the sex ain’t good, the connection will gradually deteriorate to the point where you’ll want to leave to experience different things. I do recommend on working on it rather than changing partners.

For more on this … well just look online. It’s really hard not to come across a site for adults these days. “Studying” those site may help you find new things to try.

Being Attractive is Important in a Relationship

One of my biggest flaws was that I would stop caring about myself, physically, once it would get comfortable in a relationship.

Some will argue that the appearance isn’t everything and I now find it’s only partly true. Being ugly or pretty isn’t what’s important. It’s taking care of ourselves that is. Things like grooming, good clothing, good health/fitness. Things that will make us feel attractive.

If you go to the mall with your partner. How will your partner feel if you get a “your attractive” comment? Your partner will feel better than if you got told “what’s that thing” I can guarantee it.
Being physically attracted to each other also adds up to the pleasure when things gets intimate. How you feel about yourself shows the most in those moments and can help raise the passion.

What do you do to feel attractive?

Good goes Unnoticed

Have you ever felt like the good you do to people often go unnoticed? Why is it so often overlooked? Why does the good that people do to you goes unnoticed?

My belief is that people have different ways to do good to other people and they’re often blinded to ways that isn’t their own. Maybe doing good for you means to clean the house or maybe it’s giving compliments and smiling or maybe it’s something else!

It’s important to do good anyway, not only is it the right thing to do; doing good is like adding water to a glass, eventually it will overflow and the person will finally notice the mess on the table.
Sometimes, little hints like “Have you noticed I did the dishes today?” can help them find and appreciate the good you do.

I’m aware that there’s some people out there that are just blinded by negative and can’t see any good things. The people who deserves it the least often needs it the most.

Do good things :)

Bill Clinton - Economy

On Wednesday, May 11 2011, in Fredericton N.-B., I got the opportunity to attend Bill Clinton’s talk about the economy. Here’s a brief resume of what he covered.

Part of Bill Clinton’s talk was about how to help poor Countries develop a good economy. He said that while donation helps, it doesn’t fix the problem. He believes that systems needs to be in place to reward good conduct in order to create a good economy and that donation should go to support those systems rather than directly to the poor.
He then went on to talk about his Clinton administration and how they build a Mortgage system in Haiti to help people buy homes.

Bin laden’s death was mentioned in his speech and at the end during the Q&A. His thoughts were that it was hard for him to be happy about it since a lot of people suffered because of him.

He also elaborated on the reason why Canada weathered the recent global economic meltdown. He said that the Country’s lending institutions regulated their business practices, avoiding high-risk derivatives and risky mortgages, unlike their U.S. counterparts.

Special thanks to Kan Liu and Nathan Langton for their input and links.

The system - Teenage rebel

In my late teenage years, I used to prefer black over other colors because it felt “different” and “rebel”ish. I would wear black leather bracelet with black long hair, black jacket … black... black ...black.

I used to think that by doing so I was “fighting the system”. Little did I know that not only was I not, I was encouraging it. There’s people out there that spend their lives studying communities, or trends, and I was just part of the “rebel want to be” group. They studied people like me and created items that would peaked my interest in order to get my money (or my parents money).

How can it be called “rebelling” against the system when all of it is anticipated and welcomed. The “rebelling” was but an illusion.

Happy 117th Birthday Martha Graham

If you’ve been to google today, you’ll notice that it’s logo is different today (quite good actually). Today is the 117 birthday of Martha Graham, a well known dancer.

I never heard that name before today, nor knew her story. I went to Wikipedia to read about it and I found it to be very interesting. The bellow is something she once said to a friend. I thought it was powerful enough for me to share.

"It wasn't until years after I had relinquished a ballet that I could bear to watch someone else dance it. I believe in never looking back, never indulging in nostalgia, or reminiscing. Yet how can you avoid it when you look on stage and see a dancer made up to look as you did thirty years ago, dancing a ballet you created with someone you were then deeply in love with, your husband? I think that is a circle of hell Dante omitted.

[When I stopped dancing] I had lost my will to live. I stayed home alone, ate very little, and drank too much and brooded. My face was ruined, and people say I looked odd, which I agreed with. Finally my system just gave in. I was in the hospital for a long time, much of it in a coma.” - Martha Graham

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Graham

LETTING GO! - Self Analysis

It’s by far the hardest thing I ever did. It hurt so much that it feels like I’m drinking poison every morning followed by a slap to the face.

What is so wrong with me that I can’t make a relationship work? Am I too caring? Do I use chivalry enough? Am I not attractive enough? Am I not a good listener? Am I not funny? Am I not honest? Do I love enough? Am I passionate enough? Am I romantic enough?

Why is being myself not working!

I know that relationships is something that needs to be worked on daily. I’m so sick of having to fight for the very survival of it. I can’t pass that stage! I give it my all to put wood in the fire and next thing I know, I’m the only one working.

It wasn’t enough. I don’t regret doing it, I just don’t understand! What did I missed! Where did I fail. If it’s something I did wrong, I have to figure it out so that I can work on it!

I’m not a desperate man, I can have any woman I want. When I find a good one, I sure give myself a lot of trouble to make them feel like princesses. Even if it seems to go unnoticed at times.

"If there is a way to do it better ... find it."-Thomas Edison

Fail your way to success

You only fail when you don’t learn the lessons from your losses. A successful person is not someone who never fails. He’s failing more often than anyone else but he learns from it.

Quitting is the opposite of success. Failure is require to ever achieve success. If you don’t know how to do the wrong things, how are we ever going to find how to do it right? If you stop doing it half way, you’ll never achieve success.

We shouldn’t be afraid to fail, we should anticipate it, learn from it, and move forward until we succeed.

There’s love for everyone!

Do I believe in love? Absolutely! Do I believe in love at first sight? Of course! Do I believe that love last forever? No.

Love, like happiness, is a feeling that comes and goes. After it’s gone, it takes a decision to stick around and work before it comes back. Most of the time, that’s when relationship ends. They don’t believe that it will ever come back. In a way, they’re right since they don’t give it a chance.

In the past, I often mistaken lust for love and I can clearly see the difference between the two now. It’s a matter of how you see the other person.

Lust is like a junkie that needs his fix. He’s just nice in order to get sex. Love, on the other hand, is a deep desire to care about the other person. It’s feeling a bit sick when that person is not around.
Lust brings short term pleasure while love brings lasting happiness. Lust is planting seeds and not caring for them while love is planting a seed and help it grow into a big apple tree.

In a relationship, you show you care for the other person by caring about yourself too.

Living Life with a Learning System

We only live once and we’ll be doing mistakes our entire life. The lessons, in life, are repeated until they’re learned. It can be hard to find things to learn form in our mistakes.

It takes knowledge to know where to look for the lessons. After reading some good self-help books, I can look back at my past mistakes and pin point my wrongs to fix them for a better future.

Some things I read, I could learn on my own with time and the right experiences but I don’t have time to wait for it to happen. It’s always better to learn from someone else’s mistake than your own.

I’ve been following a leadership system for the past 4 years now and I can’t help but wonder where I would be today without it. The biggest lesson I learned was that I’m an idiot and it’s more evident the more I read. There’s a lot of things that I don’t know and wouldn’t have learned without the help of leadership cds/books.

Find yourself a system to learn from.

Not voting was a vote for conservative by default

If you didn’t vote and complain about the current conservative majority, in Canada, know that you have no right for doing so. You voted for them. You’re complaining about something you actively help doing.

Why was it defaulted to conservative? It’s defaulted to who ever was majority in the last elections. They figure that if you didn’t have any problems with them in the past, you won’t have any problems with them in the future.

Don’t like Conservative? Vote for someone else next time!

I’m not blue, nor am I red. I’m CANADIAN.

The Enemy is the Government?

Too often the government is seen as the enemy. While it's true that there's been some mistakes, the government is here to represent and serve us.

“You can’t change a Country by changing it’s government. You change a Country by changing the thinking of it’s people.” -unknown

Why is it that when ever something is not going our way we instantly point fingers towards the government? Every time we do, the government will do it (they represent us and want to be re-elected) but all those things cost money and where does that money come from? Our pockets!

Then we wonder why there’s so many different taxes, why the price of gas is so high, why our money is worth next to nothing (inflation). Why, why why?

Who do we blame again? The government! The problem is us, Canadian citizens, for being blind to the simple truth. WE control this Country and WE decide where it’s heading and the government is just helping us get there. The problem is that WE, the population, doesn’t have a clue about what WE want.

WE ARE OUR OWN ENEMY!

Due to this, what we need is a government that will NOT listen to the population! What we need is a government that will lead this country using the core principles that made CANADA great in the first place.

I’m not red, i’m not blue, I’M CANADIAN!