Shyness in communication

If shyness is a problem at times for you, or if you wrestle with other personality problems, the following strategies can help increase your effectiveness as a communicator.

Accept yourself as a person with something worthwhile to say. Stand tall, look directly in the other person's eyes, convey the message that you are not afraid.

Listen to yourself talk as if you were another person. Ask yourself if you sound ego-centered, shy, or defensive.

Avoid judging another person. Instead, ask for more information when you come to a point of contention. Remember that people are complex-we don't see the motives for their behaviour. Cultivate tolerance.

Pay attention to your behaviour and how it affects your listener. Habits such as scratching your head, not looking at your listener, staring, mocking, and so on can be enormously irritating.

Choose to control your emotions. Begin to think of yourself as one who can change even long-standing patterns. Fill your mind with reasons why a change would be worthwhile. Resist feeling sorry for yourself or concentrating on past failures. Visualize yourself in control of your emotions and the benefits you would gain from such control. Program yourself mentally and emotionally for constructive responses to aggravating situations.

Begin changing what you can change. Decide which patterns you have that are non-productive and begin to eliminate them. Dare to let another person know that you are in the process of changing.

Expect positive change to occur, even if it is gradual. Visualize yourself communicating successfully. Work toward that goal.

-Page 50 of "The art of talking so that people will Listen" by Paul W. Swets foreword by Norman Vincent Peale