Thirties and Beyond

“We spend most of our twenties discovering all of the hundreds of things we can be. But as we mature into our thirties, we begin to discover all of the things we will never be. The challenge for us as we reach our forties and beyond is to put it all together-to know our capabilities and recognize our limitations-and become the best we can be.”
-Catherin B. Ahles

Being 3 years in my thirties, I'm becoming increasingly aware of my own limitations.
When you're young the world is yours to conquer: Everybody tells you to reach for the stars and that everything is possible (it is). After you reach a certain point in life, however, some doors are starting to close on you.
At 30 years old, for example, is not exactly the time for me to be training for the NHL. That train has left the station and I missed it (if it would of been a dream of mine).

We've often heard people saying that it takes 10 000 hours to master something. Since we only have a limited amount of "10 000 hours" in our lives, and our bodies decays over time, we have to plan according to these limitations.

"Gaining knowledge is what makes growing old worth it"
- Jiraiya Sensei

While I may not be as energetic, in my early thirties, as I was in my early twenties - I am definitely smarter. What ever goals I have for the rest of my life needs to take this into consideration. The same goes for your goals.

My 3 Laid Offs

I was laid off 3 times in my short career in the IT field. While being laid off is a stressful event in itself, there were times where it was more stressful than others.

• The first time I was laid off was in 2008. I was fresh out of College and barely made a mark in the software development field. The company I worked for had hired me to take on the SEO role of a new project but it soon went downhill. The company, which had no other opportunities for me at the time, had no choice but to let me go. Since I had done good work for them, however, they helped me find my second job in the iT field by giving me a heck of a reference.
• The second time I was laid off was in 2010. The company I worked for closed its doors soon after it was bought out by an American company. Some were offered to relocate but I was against the move to the States.
• The third time I was laid off was in 2015. It was 2 months after Christmas - which is usually a slower time for any IT companies. I was on the “bench” for a few weeks until they finally gave me the boot. After roughly a month, they called me back in once things picked up again.

Here’s the thing; out of the 3 times I got laid off, only 2 were very stressful to me. Why? Well the first time, I was fresh out of college and in debt. If I didn’t find work quickly it would mean that I had to move back to my parents and start over. The second time? I had just purchased a new car and was still struggling financially.
Finally, the third time was not stressful at all for a very simple reason - I was debt free by that point and had amassed enough money to go a while before needing another job again.

I know that money doesn’t bring happiness but neither does poverty. There’s nothing that gives you peace of mind as having money in the bank and there’s nothing as stressful as being in debt.

My experience with the many laid off has made more disciplined with my money. I will always make sure that I have something stashed somewhere for a rainy day. I encourage you to do the same.

Lost of Honor

Last week, I talked about meeting my uncle after a decade of absence due to some wrong doing he's done. The man has lost his honor literally in an instant.

Google defines honor as: "High respect; great esteem. Adherence to what is right or to a conventional standard of conduct."

Whether you care about honor or not it is there following us like a shadow. Every decision we make affects it ever so slightly and a wrong move can destroy everything.

"A hundred years cannot repair a moment's loss of honor."
-Proverb

When you loose your honor, there's not much you can do to get it back. Your entourage will not let you forget it and perhaps the only way to get away from it is to move to a new place in an attempt to start from scratch. Your life will still not be peaceful, however, since you may then be filled with anxiety over ever being found out again. It's almost as if you are stuck re-living that moment over and over - something you cannot escape from.

In Japanese culture, when a Samurai lost his honor he would do what is called a "Seppuku" or "harakiri" which is suicide by "abdomen/belly cutting". In doing so, they believe that they would regain some of that honor they had lost.
By understanding what it means to loose your honor one can somewhat understand the reasoning behind removing one's own life.

Now if you are in such situation, I'm not suggesting that you do a Seppuku but you should be spending the rest of your life attempting to fix what you have broken. Maybe, if you've done the right things and you're lucky, people will move on.

Learn From Other People

I recently saw an uncle of mine I hadn't seen in almost a decade. The main reason why we lost contact is because it was found that he had done unspeakable things to a member of the community. In an instant of weakness he practically lost everything he had spent his entire life to build.

Now, a decade later, I was again faced with the man I had once seen as a father figure. I didn't like what I saw... What I saw was a broken man; a man that desperately wanted forgiveness and for people to forget what he had done. Alas, I doubt he will ever see the day of peace he is so desperately seeking.

"It's good to learn from your mistakes. It's better to learn from other people's mistakes."
-Warren Buffet

One of the best things about studying other people is that you get to see the mistake they make from your point of view and get to learn from them. By observing my uncle, I've learned that it doesn't matter how good of a person you are or what you have accomplished ... a single bad decision can make it all come crashing down.